Listening to: the sound of the fan. Not in a music mood.
Reading: Gone With The Wind (obvious inspiration for the post title) and Google + For Business by Chris Brogan (a great read for small business owners).
Yesterday I was reading a recent blog entry of graphic designer David Airey. The topic was self-employment and David had listed 7 links to designers who had all taken this big leap and were good enough to share their reflections on what they had learned. It got me reflecting on my own decision to start up Marmalade and for me two themes really stand out. Organisation and Fear.
A few months ago I was in paid full time employment in a role that required diligent organisation skills. My day was broken up into perfectly timed blocks. My coworker Kathrin and I even had a scheduled chocolate break. I both loved it and hated it at the same time. On the one hand your day is fully mapped out for you, you just rock up and do your thing. On the other hand your day is fully mapped out for, you rock up, do your thing and every Monday is the same as the last Monday, every tea break the same as the last tea break.
Working from home requires a different set of organisation skills, a set that I'm always struggling with regardless of my best intentions. Dividing my day into blocks doesn't work well for me. I can't simply sit down at my computer and 'be creative' for an allotted time. It's not that simple. I think organisation is something I'll always need to work at improving. I don't think having a scheduled chocolate break will ever be a problem though.
This lack of organisation allows me to embrace my true procrastinating self. Sure I'll type up a new blog post...just as soon as I clean the bathroom. Today I'll source a picture frame supplier...just as soon as my kitchen floor smells like lavender and my DVDs are organised by alphabet and genre. Do you see a theme?
I know I need to overcome this procrastination. I swear I'll do it later.
Now we come to Fear. Where to start? There is the fear of failure and oddly the fear of success. I have wonderful, supportive friends and I worry about not living up to their belief in me. I worry about letting down my family as I know I have before. I'm always jealous of other designers and wonder if I will always be wondering 'why didn't I think of that?' or 'why aren't I as good as them?' And there is the obvious fear of not making enough money to stay self-employed full time.
Guy Moorehouse, designer/developer for Futurefabric says to embrace the fear. The fear, he says, is psychological, that society has conditioned us to not take risks because they are something negative that need to be avoided. He believes that working for yourself isn't really risky, that it maybe just needs a bit of planning and to be a bit organised.
Oh brother.
Moorehouse also says not to let the fear hold you back. "Embrace it and use it to give you the energy to get your sh!t together." So that's what I'm going to do. Tomorrow. After I rearrange my sock drawer.
Deb
